Feminine Dominance: Embodied Art (A Workshop)


My passion for learning and self- fulfillment takes me to the most strangely peculiar and exciting places…

Last week, I had the pleasure of attending a workshop by a beloved and well-known sex educator in the sex positivity scene. Midori truly has a way of engaging her audience and taking kink, a subculture and form of play that has been widely misunderstood and intimidating to many, and conveying the transformative and highly metaphysical satisfactions that it can bring. Kink (or BDSM), as defined by Midori, refers to childhood play with adult sexual privilege and access to toys!

You can learn more about Midori’s insights into kink and BDSM in her book Wild Side of Sex: The Book of Kink (of which I am now a proud owner!). This post, however, is not about the ins and outs of kink.

The Art of Feminine Dominance seeks to help those of us who are feminine embrace our elegance, power and confidence without falling into tired cliches that don’t necessarily suit all who try them on.

Here is the crux of what I learned or came to remember in this insightful workshop:

-feminine dominance takes many different forms and can look different each time

-feminine dominance exists all around us and is not limited to the realm of kink and intimate play

-feminine dominance is about helping those who are feminine step into and embrace the power within, knowing that each manifestation looks differently for everyone who tries it on.

As Midori points out, femininity and dominance are often pitted against one another, as if they are mutually exclusive.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. If you’ve met me, surely you know this isn’t true! You know a strong and powerful woman when you meet one 😉

What comes to mind…

Feminine: beautiful, delicate, powerful, graceful, seductive, elegant, loving, assertive, radiant, magnetic, captivatingconfident.

Dominance: powerful, assertive, controlling, commanding, magnetic, desirable, confident, stern, admirable, respectable, captivatingseductive.

The two have more in common than we’d like to think.

Midori describes the feminine dominant similar to the sense of being profoundly moved by a piece of art. The feminine dominant is never perfect, always evolving. One of the interesting revelations in this workshop for me was the distinction made between power over and power with. The feminine dominant refers to the latter.

Midori points to an important component of fetish (and I would also argue that this applies to all intimate and/or sexual experiences). Fetishes consist of several qualities: magic (anything that is inexplicable by knowledge or technology at the time), protection (of vulnerability/secrets and the soul), transformation (turning the ordinary into the extraordinary), and transcendence (that which rises above the muck). Surely we can all agree that intimacy and desire captures all of these qualities.The feminine dominant certainly does.

The workshop closed by having participants list off examples of power femmes in history and culture. My own conclusion is that I have some reading to do. And that now I have plenty of ideas for my halloween costume 2k15.

Myth and Religion: Athena, Aphrodite, Medusa.

Folklore and Fairytale: The original Little Red Riding Hood, Evil Queen, the Amazons.

History: Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Sappho.

Current (political): Hillary Clinton, Angela Merkel, Michelle Obama.

Film: Angelina Jolie (Laura Croft, Mrs. Smith), Halle Barry, Marilyn Monroe, Sigourney Weaver (Alien), Katherine Zeta Jones (in Zorro)

Comic Books: Storm, Cat Woman, Wonder Woman, Jean Grey.

Occupational Title and Social Positions: queen, lawyer, grandmother, mother, sex workers, supreme court justice, teachers, dominatrix

My personal favourites: Laverne Cox, Beyonce, Pink, Angela Davis, bell hooks, Ann-Marie MacDonald, Jean Grey (fiction), Mystique (fiction), Jessica Rabbit (fiction), Olivia Pope (fiction), Daenerys Targaryen (fiction), Michonne (fiction), Samantha Jones (fiction).

The Feminine Dominant exists all around us and oh how lucky we are to be in her presence or graced by her influence. I look forward to hearing who your favourite feminine dominants are…